Whether we’ve had ample experience or none at all, we all seem to have an opinion on romantic relationships. And since my blog is all about the people and making it as inclusive as possible, I sought the trusted opinions of people who wanted their voices to be heard as well as wanted to advice people who are seeking to try again or try for the first time. In addition to this I will also be sharing my story. Please leave your comments because I would love to know what you have to say.
“I never thought i’d find love, real Zulu type of love, at such a young age and I found it with somebody who is obviously of a mature age. Love isn’t what society makes it out to be. Love isn’t your partner sending you flowers everyday, it isn’t them posting you on social networks. It is a soul connection. It is finding someone who loves, appreciates and respects you for who you are, and not what you can bring for them on a public platform in order for them to be perceived in a certain way. And I don’t see my life and myself being in the place of happiness that I’m in currently without the person I’m with, or that I’ll ever find this again with someone else.” – S’ne Ndlovu
See what I have taken from this and how I interpreted it, is that: along the way we have somehow managed to chain down the definition of love into a single meaning; And in that limited ourselves. We have based what we think love is off of what the majority tells us it is supposed to look like. By doing that we will forever be overlooking the core of where love is supposed to come from in its purest form.
“Being in a new relationship has opened my eyes as to how I’m meant to be treated by someone who says that they love me. It’s not being comfortable with someone and having that person care for you because you can do that with anyone. Being loved by this person showed me that not everyone is going to run. And even though that’s all you know, it’s not always like that. And when all you know is being left by a lover you begin to push away the ones who stay because you don’y know what someone staying feels like. But being in this relationship has taught me that love is when that person wants to fight for you and wants to love you even knowing that you’re still hurting from a past love. Healing every scar from the past even if it means getting hurt in the process, because they know you’re worth it.” – Amy Combrinck
“If you even have to think if he’s worth it or not, he is not. No boy or man will treat you the way you want to be treated till you treat yourself how you want to be treated. Another thing being that anything is possible, stop making excuses for the boy or man. When someone wants you they will be with you… Don’t take part in the game boo. And finally do not date if you are uncomfortable in your own company because you will only look to fill that void and that’s when you start making the wrong decisions.” – Nomfundo Mhlongo
Now what all of these ladies have said has really resonated within me because I’ve been growing through a lot of these days. I am the worst person when it comes to relationships because I fall way too hard, way too quickly and I end up falling out of the relationship as quickly; which is not to say that I have fallen out of love. I think that the time in which my generation has developed in has really played a negative role in shaping the mindset of what a relationship is supposed to look like. Instead of focusing on being in a healthy, holistically beneficial relationship, we are trying to make the relationship look happy instead of truly experiencing joy within the union. Once you have made sense of where you want to be, you will not be deterred by passengers on your train who aren’t overly keen on reaching your destination with you. See what we seem to forget is that passengers bring a lot to the journey but at the same time somewhere along the way some will get off, some will get on and some may stay on and we have to be okay with that. And that’s what I think Amy was trying to say, in that one bad passenger that has reached their stop does not mean that there isn’t another passenger that won’t come aboard your train nor does it take away from the one sitting in the back seat looking out the window.
It took reading what Nomfundo had to say for me to realize that I am worth so much more than what I allow. I’ve had to be honest with myself in that maybe I’m not comfortable with being alone because all that I’ve ever wanted was to be loved; So I give everything of myself to the first person who breaks down my walls and gives me attention, without taking the time to consider that they may only be passing through houses and have no intention of staying for tea.
In conclusion I think I just want to say that dating in the 21st century can be hell. We’re dealing with stereotypes of blessers, blessies, fuckboys, slay queens and anything else, and your heart can honestly slip through the cracks; What my brother taught me however is “You need to guard your Heart and you need to guard your Energy”, and that has been the best advice I have ever received because I am starting realize that I actually may be worth so much more.
Please please please feel free to share your thoughts, any and all feedback is welcomed.