. Toxic .

The smell of decaying flesh and holes in my skin from the gentle touch of your fingers on me as you patted my back and smiled sweetly and said, “Well done! Congratulations”.  

You looked at my ring on my ring finger and told me that he was so lucky. You looked at the ring on his ring finger and wondered how it would feel inside of you. 

Your words were acid in a sweet solution as you went with me to all my fittings. You told me I was beautiful in every dress I put on; All the while daydreaming about last night as he greedily undressed you. As he cupped your breasts and you incoherently moaned his name. Your nails were in him metaphorically, and I was yet to see them in reality. 

The day finally came when I put make-up on my face and you told me I looked beautiful. But by then I wasn’t glowing nearly as brightly as you. I stood in front of my whole life. I looked at the people who said they cared about us. But all I could focus on was you. A species so cunning and dangerous, your venom had all but consumed me. The priest turned to me and said my vows expecting my answer. I turned to you and waited a heartbeat. I slowly turned back to him and said, “She does…and so does her baby”. 

Because see every time he ran into the shower screaming at me that he was late, I saw the scratches on his back, but mama told me not to question things. I smelt him on you every time you accompanied me to my fittings. And this morning. This morning on my wedding day I saw the cufflinks that had your initials engraved on them. Saw him tenderly kiss them before walking down the aisle. So as I walk down aisle once more; with the veil still over my head… I leave my heart at the alter. And in its place the dark figure of death nestles itself. I cry the river tears of the dead sea. I cry them everyday. Who knew you were toxic?

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